


Hiding My Heart Away

by SweetHeartsAndSweetDreams



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Bar Hangouts, Best Friends, Childhood Friends, Clarke Griffin & Raven Reyes Friendship, Clarke Raven and Octavia are Roommates, Fluff, Humor, Jealousy, Movie Nights, Multi, Octavia Blake & Clarke Griffin are Best Friends, Past Relationship(s), Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-19
Updated: 2016-11-20
Packaged: 2018-04-27 04:52:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5034451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SweetHeartsAndSweetDreams/pseuds/SweetHeartsAndSweetDreams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one where Clarke is going to tell her childhood best friend how she feels, but then he gets a girlfriend. And there's also weekly movie nights with Blakes.</p>
<p>(New chapter is an explanation as to why I haven't updated in so long.)</p>
<p>This fic has been abandoned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A ruined movie night and a mess of feelings

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! So this is my first big fic and I'm super excited for you all to read it! It was originally just a big oneshot, but I felt it would be better in chapters :). I'll add more tags as I update, but for now I don't want to spoil anything! Hope you guys like it and feel free to leave me comments if you have anything you'd like to tell me :)!

Clarke had no idea how she’d gotten herself into this mess. Of course to anyone else this looked completely normal. Just her, Octavia and Bellamy, in Bellamy’s apartment on a Friday night doing their weekly movie night, but of course it wasn’t normal anymore because god forbid something simple in her life stay that way. This time the atmosphere just felt awkward. She and Bellamy had barely spoken to each other the past two weeks. Only “Hello’s” and casual conversations that she would immediately cut off once someone else entered the room, and phone calls and text messages she would either ignore or answer only to end up being short with him. Of course this was his fault for deciding to get a girlfriend and apparently coming to the conclusion that Clarke was no longer one of the most important woman in his life . But for as long as she could remember it was her, Octavia, Bellamy and their movie nights. She and the Blake siblings had been doing a weekly movie night sense they were kids. After they moved in next door, her and Octavia became instant friends at the age of 6, and of course with Octavia came Bellamy.  They’d all grown up together, never missing a movie night. 15 years had passed and they’d still managed to not miss one. Of course when Bellamy went off to University it had been complicated but they kept the tradition with Bellamy over Skype. But now their usually fun tradition was dampened by Clarke’s mood. Of course Bellamy had no idea Clarke was so upset, mainly because she didn’t have a reason to be, or at least not one that would make sense to anyone else.

 

She and Bellamy had been best friends for so long that she just assumed it would always be that way. Then again she didn’t plan on falling in love with him and then hiding it from him for 2 years until she got the nerve to say something only to be blindsided by the fact that he now had a girlfriend. She had barely gotten out how her day was before he told her about Echo, leaving her confession to remain a secret for fear of looking ridiculous. He had gone on about how he met this beautiful girl named Echo down at the library a few weeks before, and how they had instantly clicked. She loved mythology just like him, and was just as beautiful and strong as some of the goddesses they read about. He had brought her to meet their friends the night after he had told her and Clarke had been avoiding him ever since.

 

Clarke knew she was being irrational and unfair to Bellamy, but she just couldn’t handle hearing him go on about how amazing Echo was any longer. It’s pretty hard to listen to the man you’re in love with basically talk about how he’s falling for another girl, but that’s how they ended up here, sitting in the living room of Bellamy’s apartment, watching movies. Clarke usually sat on the couch between the two, but tonight she opted for the recliner to avoid being near Bellamy. Of course when she had done this last week he had given her a strange look.  When he asked her why she wasn’t sitting with them, she had given him a thin excuse (“Bell it gets too cramped sometimes. I am aloud to sit on my own you know.”). He had relented with a scoff and a teasing eye roll. This time though she kept seeing him glance over at her from the corner of her eye, a worried expression plastered on his face. She managed to ignore it and everything was going fine until there was a knock at the door.

 

“Bell, are you expecting anyone?” Octavia asked as she paused the movie.

 

He didn’t answer and instead went to open the door.

 

“Hey Bells! Thanks for inviting me! I’m so sorry I’m late, I got held up at the home. Mrs. Gardner just would not go down for her nap!” She said gleefully giving Bellamy a kiss on the cheek as he shut the door behind her.

 

Had Clarke mentioned she worked at a senior’s home? Because she did, as if Bellamy needed any more reason to like her.

 

“Bell? Can I talk to you for a second?” Octavia asked. She was calm but Clarke could tell from the look in her eyes she was pissed as she led Bellamy into the kitchen.

 

O knew about her being in love with Bellamy. It’s kind of hard when you live together and are best friends to not know all each other’s secrets, so of course Raven knew too. They loved to tease her about it, but when Clarke had come home in tears the night he told her about Echo, they had immediately went into best friend mode and had a rom-com marathon with loads of ice cream and tissues to cheer her up. They had also been trying to set her up on a few dates so she could get back out there. Though they were trying their hardest and she loved them for it, Clarke was hopelessly and irreversibly in love with Bellamy Blake and there was nothing she or anyone else could do about it.

 

She and Echo were left alone in the living room. To say the atmosphere was awkward would be a complete understatement. Clarke quickly grew angry not only at the fact that she had to be around Echo and that she couldn’t be upset with her because she had technically done nothing wrong, but at the fact that he had invited her to their movie night. When she had brought Finn a few years ago he had completely flipped out and didn’t talk to her until a week later. (“Clarke it’s been just us three sense we were kids. It ruins it if other people are involved, that’s why we don’t invite anyone else in our friend group.” He had explained to her after they started talking again.) Now he was just going to go against his own rules? Well she was officially done with this movie night. She abruptly stood up startling Echo just as Bellamy and Octavia walked back in the room.

 

“Everything okay?” Octavia asked, eyes darting between Clarke and Echo. Bellamy stood next to her completely oblivious to Clarke’s anger, Octavia’s wariness or Echo’s obvious discomfort.

 

“Everything’s perfect. Isn’t it just perfect how we can just do whatever the hell we want, whenever the hell we want?” Clarke said with faux enthusiasm that both Blake siblings saw right threw.

 

“Clarke, are you okay? You seem upset.” Bellamy asked a mixture of confusion and worry on his face.

 

“I seem upset? Well maybe that’s because you decided to invite your fucking girlfriend here without asking me and O!” she said her voice beginning to rise. “When I did that with Finn you completely fucking flipped your lid and said it ruined movie nights when we invite other people, but now it’s okay for you to do it? Well that’s fine. Enjoy yourself because I’m leaving. O, I’ll see you at home.”

 

She didn’t give him a chance to answer as she stormed out of the apartment, slamming the door behind her and making her way down to the parking lot and starting her car. Just before she left the driveway she saw Bellamy open the front door of the building coming towards her car, but she sped out before he could reach her.

 

* * *

                                                                                                                                            

When she got home she was still furious, so she did the only thing that was logical when she was upset and couldn’t punch something, she painted. Clarke usually did portraits and scenery’s, but whenever she was feeling inspired she liked to do abstract work. Usually when she didn’t quite know how to express how she was feeling in any other way.

 

She went into her studio, set up her canvas on her easel, got out all her paint and cranked her music. As usual she lost herself in her work, completely pouring out all her frustration, sadness and anger onto the canvas. By the time Octavia got home she was sitting in her studio in dead silence just staring at her painting, not quite knowing what to make of it.

 

“Clarke? Are you okay? I’ve been trying to reach you al…” Octavia cut off mid-sentence once she entered the studio and noticed Clarke’s tear streaked cheeks and her clothes covered in paint. Without hesitation Octavia crossed the room and enveloped her best friend in a hug.

 

After talking about with Octavia and later Raven when she got home from work, both of her friends couldn’t understand why he had done it. Clarke just relented saying it didn’t matter anymore because she and Bellamy would never be the same again. The thought brought a sickening feeling to her stomach but she pushed it away.

 

* * *

 

It had been 3 days sense her big blow up at Bellamy’s place and she had completely shut him out, she hadn’t gone to the bar for their groups’ usual Saturday night get together, knowing he’d be there. She told Octavia to tell everyone else she had a piece she had to finish a huge project for her Art History class. He had tried to call her multiple times and even came by the apartment on Sunday, but Raven had given him some lie about her having a faculty meeting at the school (though Clarke was only 21 she had a part time job at the school teaching grade 10-12 students’ art every Monday) when she was actually just cooped up in her room watching Netflix. He gave Raven a message to tell her to call him and left.

 

It was late in the afternoon and Clarke was just finishing up with her students in her grade 10 art class when she noticed someone in the doorway of her classroom. Turning her head briefly she noticed it was Bellamy and opted to ignore him for the last 10 minutes until the bell rang and she would be forced to deal with him.

 

“Alright guys, I hope you have a great night! Please remember your rough sketches need to be handed in by next Monday.” Clarke said to her class as they began to leave.

 

Clarke began cleaning up knowing that Bellamy was still standing in the doorway watching her. About a minute passed before he spoke. 

 

“You were always a really good teacher. Remember when you taught O how to draw horses when she went through that phase? Man my room was covered in horse drawings from her for months.” He said with a slight chuckle. She could tell he was trying to lighten the mood but it wasn’t working.

 

Sighing she braced her hands on the table in front of her. “Look Bellamy, I’m really busy and I have to clean up. What do you want?” She said trying to sound exasperated though all she felt was sadness.

 

“Well I came to talk to you about what happened the other night. You were pretty upset and I wanted to make sure we were okay.” He said with no indication that he was the least bit sorry.

 

Clarke turned to face him. Trying to get a read on the man she’d known her whole life. “Why do I get the feeling you’re not the least bit sorry about what happened?” She questioned crossing her arms and raising an eyebrow.

 

“I am sorry that you were so upset, but you completely freaked out on me in front of Echo, and now she thinks you don’t like her.” Bellamy said with clear annoyance in his voice.

 

Clarke was taken aback by his sudden protectiveness over this girl. Sure they were dating, but he had only known her for about a month.  Clarke’s shoulders slumped, the fight draining from her like the tears had the night he told her about Echo.

 

“Look Bellamy, I had a really long day and I don’t feel like getting into it right now. I’ll see you Friday at your place.” She said quietly grabbing her bag and beginning to pass him.

 

Before she could though his large hand wrapped around her arm, turning her to face him. “ _Clarke._ ” The way he said her name made her look up. The look in his eyes was enough to take her breath away. The look of pure worry and something else she couldn’t quite place in the depths of his beautiful, expressive, chocolate brown eyes. “What’s going on with you? You barely acknowledged my existence for two weeks and now you’re completely shutting me out. Look, I’m sorry I brought Echo. She’s just been so worried about fitting in with our group, so I figured it would be good for her to spend some time with my two favorite people.” Ah so she still was important, good to know. _You were always important to him. You’re just being ridiculous._ Her subconscious told her. “I didn’t think you guys would mind.”

 

She sighed, opting to take the high road and speak to him calmly. “First of all, I have no idea what you’re talking about. We’ve talked plenty the past couple weeks, and as for the past couple of days, I’ve just been really busy.” That was a blatant lie. She hadn’t been busy at all. Unless you count drowning her sorrows in Vodka and The Walking Dead being busy. “Second of all, I understand you wanting Echo to get to know me and O better, but you shouldn’t have brought her to movie night to do that. Like you told me, it ruins it when anyone else is there but the three of us. If we don’t let any of our other friends, we shouldn’t make an exception for Echo. I mean we’ve never made one for Lincoln or Lexa or even Finn when we were together so it just isn’t fair.” at the mention of Finn Bellamy’s gaze darkened for a fleeting moment. Almost so fast she wouldn’t have noticed had she not known him for so long. The Finn debacle had been nothing short of awful, and Clarke imagined Bellamy was remembering her showing up at his apartment at one o’clock in the morning, drenched from the rain and tears running down her face. That night he had held her tight to his chest, whispering soft comforting words into her hair while he rubbed his hands up and down her back and occasionally kissing her forehead when she started shaking. She saw Finn for the first time a week later, his black eye and cut lip just beginning to fade. She knew it was Bellamy and the boys doing, and she couldn’t help but remember what wonderful friends she had.

 

By now Clarke had taken a step back and was facing Bellamy fully. He still looked concerned but not as much. “Okay, I see your point. I was pretty pissed when you brought Finn that time, but when am I supposed to make plans with all three of you when you never answer my calls?”

 

“I told you I was busy.”

 

“Clarke.”

 

“Okay fine so maybe I didn’t answer you the past couple of days because I was pissed. I’m over it, we’re fine.”

 

He looked at her disbelievingly “Really? You’re not just saying that?”

 

She decided that pushing him away wasn’t going to help anything, they would both just end up getting hurt, her because not only was she losing the man that she loved from her life, but also her best friend and him because he was going to lose his best friend.

 

“Yes Bellamy. I wouldn’t say it unless I meant it.” She said exasperated but with a fond look on her face.

 

Before she had time to take in his expression she was swept up into a bone crushing hug. “Thank god.” Bellamy whispered into her hair. “I missed you Princess.” He said putting her back on her feet. His smile was breath taking and Clarke couldn’t help but smile back.

 

Although the blatant show of affection just reminded her of how much she loved this man and that he was never going to feel the same, she did miss him too. He was her best friend after all, so she decided to continue to swallow her feelings for him. She’d been able to hide it for two years, why quit now?

 

“I’ve got a lot of prep I have to do for my portfolio, but what to you say we go to the movies on Wednesday? I’ve been dying to see Dead Pool!”

 

“That sounds great, but could we go Thursday instead? Echo and I have plans on Wednesday.”

 

Swallowing the lump in her throat Clarke nodded. They finished cleaning up making casual small talk that wasn’t terse like it had been before. After locking up they walked to the parking lot together saying their goodbyes.  Bellamy left first, Clarke just sat in her car taking a moment to catch her breath. She could do this. They always said if you love something set it free, and that’s exactly what she intended to do with Bellamy. With a heavy sigh she started her car and started on her way home.


	2. Realizations and the search for the perfect "fuck me" dress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke makes some decisions, runs into unwanted company and goes to the mall with Octavia and Raven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So sense it's national writing day I figured I'd give you a small update. I won't be updating this frequently in the future, but I promise I won't leave you all hanging!

Two weeks had passed since Bellamy had come to visit her at the school and things were finally starting to look up for her again. After his visit Clarke decided to take Octavia and Raven up on their offer to help her get out there. They had set up a date for her tonight with a guy named Atom. Movie nights weren’t awkward anymore and she and Bellamy had even hung out a few times since his visit and it was great to get back to being comfortable around each other. He also planned a lunch with him, Echo, Octavia and her. It went surprisingly well, Echo was actually very lovely and she seemed to make Bellamy happy. Clarke had apologized for lashing out and Echo had just shrugged it off saying “We all have our little moments Clarke, we’re all human.” The girls had laughed it off and continued lunch with pleasant conversation, all four of them laughing so loudly they earned quite a few glares from some elderly woman a few tables over. Although it was still hard to see him with anyone else she was happy for him and if Clarke couldn’t be with Bellamy she was glad he found someone as nice as Echo.

 

Now Raven and Octavia were rummaging through her closet trying to find the perfect outfit for her date with Atom.

 

“I’m just not sure what to wear you guys. He texted me saying we’re going somewhere nice so like what should I wear? I mean it’s only our first date.” She said to the two girls currently tearing her room apart in search of the perfect outfit.

 

Sighing in defeat Octavia turned around, a large smile spreading across her face. “Come on ladies, this calls for an emergency shopping trip!” she said in singsong.

 

Her and Raven groaned as they followed Octavia out of her bedroom.

 

Clarke picked up her purse and keys and they all left the apartment. Once in the parking lot they all piled into her car, Raven calling shotgun leaving a disgruntled Octavia to sit in the back.  Raven always cranked the radio so by the time they reached the mall they were all belting out Colors by Halsey.

 

Their mall has lots of different dress shops so of course she knew they’d be here a while.

 

They entered the mall and began to make their way to the first dress shop.

 

“Guys I don’t understand why I need the perfect dress for this date. Can’t we just go buy some cute clothes and then go to the food court?”

 

“Because the best way to get over somebody is to get under somebody else, and you my friend need the perfect “fuck me” dress, one that doesn’t scream it but definitely insinuates it.”  Raven responded.

 

“Raven’s right Clarke, you’ve been pining after Bell for too long. Seriously when’s the last time you got laid?”

 

“Aboutfivemonthsago.” She answered quickly.

 

“Sorry didn’t quite catch that.” Raven said cupping her ear to “hear better”.

 

“I said, about five months ago.” Clarke said exasperated.

 

 “YOU HAVEN’T GOTTEN LAID IN FIVE MONTHS?” Raven screamed, earning multiple stairs from passing strangers.

 

Clarke yanked Raven and Octavia by the arm into the nearby bathroom. After checking under all the stalls to make sure they were alone she spoke.

 

“Okay so maybe next time I tell you something personal, maybe don’t yell it so loudly people in China can hear you.”

 

“I know I know sorry, but seriously five months? How are you even functioning properly?”

 

“I do have a vibrator you know. It is the twenty fist century.”

 

“Okay ladies back on the task at hand.” Octavia said clasping her hands together. “Clarke needs to get laid and we need to make sure the dress we get her does exactly that, if Bell’s too dumb to realize what’s right in front of him than that’s his loss.”

 

And with that they were off on a mission to find the perfect “fuck me” dress.

 

* * *

 

 

Three dress shops and two long hours later they found the perfect dress. It was a tight fitted one sleeved, black dress that went past her knees in length but had a slit up the left leg. It hugged her curves in all the right places and was just the right amount of sexy and classy to wear to a fancy restaurant and have a few heads turn while she did so.

 

“Ladies, I think we have a winner.” She said spinning in front of the mirror.

 

“I totally agree.” Said a voice she hadn’t heard in almost a year.

 

Turning around she saw her ex-girlfriend Lexa. They had dated for about three months before Lexa left her for her childhood sweetheart Costia. Clarke had begun to think that maybe she was beginning to fall in love with Lexa and was finally getting over Bellamy when she had dumped her out of the blue, leaving with a weak goodbye and a kiss on the cheek.  Lexa had been quiet and reserved, a polar opposite of Finn which is exactly what she had needed after that mess of a breakup. When the smoke cleared though she could never bring herself to regret what happened between her and Finn because she would have never met Raven and they would have never become best friends.

 

Thinking about it now, the past two years of Clarke’s love life have been a mess. After her and Finn had broken up and she had basically run crying into Bellamy’s arms, she came to the realization that she was in love with him and just how in deep she already was. Then coming to the realization that he would never reciprocate those feelings, she tried dating again after her heart healed from Finn. She met Lexa and was instantly taken with the girl until she left like a passing breeze in the summer heat, refreshing and cold all at once and gone before you realized it came. Of course through it all Bellamy had always been at the back of her mind just waiting to surface again.

 

 

“Lexa, what are you doing here?”

 

“I was just picking up a dress from the dry cleaners across the hall and saw you, I figured I’d come over and say hi.”

 

Octavia and Raven share a look that could only be translated to: _What the actual fuck._

 

 

“Well…hi I guess.”

 

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to make this awkward. I’ll just go.”

 

“Lexa wait.”

 

She turned around to face Clarke again.

 

“It was nice to see you. I hope you’re doing well.” Clarke said with a small smile.

 

“I am thank you. I hope you know I’m sorry for how things ended, you deserved better.”

 

“Yes I did but the past is the past. Have a nice life Lexa.”

 

“You too Clarke.”

 

With that Lexa turned and left.

 

“Okay what the hell was that?” Raven asks

 

“Yea, wasn’t she the one who left you high and dry? Why would she just randomly come over and say hi?” Octavia asks

 

“Guys its Lexa. When has she ever made sense? I mean when she broke up with me she told me and I quote “Love is weakness.” and a week later she was back with Costia. I wouldn’t worry about it.”

 

“She was right about the dress though. You look hot!”

 

“You really do! Man Atom’s not going to know what hit him. I showed him a picture of you but in this you’ll be a total knock out!” Octavia said enthusiastically.


	3. Butterflies and new beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Atoms first date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this took so long! School's been really crazy lately and I didn't want to rush to give you guys a chapter that wouldn't be as good as I know I can make it. I've finally decided where I'm headed with this story and I promise you won't be disappointed! My work isn't beta-ed so please forgive any mistakes and enjoy!

It was now 7:15pm and Atom is supposed to be picking her up in five minutes. She takes one last look at herself in the mirror to make sure she looks alright. Her hair is done up into an intricate messy bun at the back of her head with curled wisps of hair framing her face. Her makeup is well done with a brown smoky eye and blood red lipstick. Her dress hugs her body perfectly and her red peep toes look killer with it.

 

She leaves her room to enter the living room where Octavia and Raven are watching TV.

 

“So what do you think?” Clarke asks spinning in a circle so they can get a full view.

 

 Raven lets out a low whistle while Octavia looks like she is about to cry.

 

“So I’m going to take that as good?”

 

Standing they make their way over to stand in front of her. “Yes idiot you look beautiful and Octavia I swear if you start crying I will disown you.”

 

“You can’t disown me if you don’t own me in the first place. Clarke you look beautiful. Sorry I’m just so happy for you. I know you’ve been in a really tough place because of the whole Bell thing and to see you practically glowing just makes me so happy.”

 

“As much as she’s being a sap I have to agree. I hated seeing you look so hopeless. You deserve to have someone love you as much as you love them Clarke.”

 

Overwhelmed by how amazing her two best friends are Clarke wraps them both in a tight hug. “Thank you guys I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

 

They break apart once they hear a knock at the door.

 

“Enough of all this sweetness, I’m going to get cavities. Now go get some Griffin. We can’t wait to hear how he made you swoon.” Raven says shoving her in the direction of the door.

 

She opens the door to find a very well dressed tall boy with broad shoulders, short curly hair and beautiful blue eyes. The picture O had showed her really didn’t do him justice. He was gorgeous and also holding a bouquet of her favorite flowers, Iris’. It seems he did his research with Octavia before this date. _How cute_ she couldn’t help but think. He turned to look at her and his eyes went comically wide.

 

She gave him a shy smile. “Hi” she said

 

He shook his head trying to compose himself. “Hi. Wow umm I hope this doesn’t sound too creepy, but you’re even more beautiful in person.”

 

Blushing, Clarke accepts the flowers he’s holding out. “The picture O showed me really didn’t do you justice either.”

 

He gave her a bright smile and held out his hand. She took it with ease letting him lead her out the door and shutting it behind her and calling out a “See you later!” to the girls. He led them downstairs to his car and they began to make their way to a surprise restaurant.

 

Clarke had actually been looking forward to and dreading this night for weeks. She was happy to be getting out there not only with a very attractive guy, but also someone O had explicitly told her was one of the nicest men she’d ever met. She even went as far as saying she would have snagged him by now had she not already found Lincoln. While she was excited, she always had a little sinking feeling at the pit of her stomach. A worry that if this went well and he ended up liking her that she may not be able to truly give herself to him when her heart still belonged to Bellamy. She made a decision earlier this week though that she’d push any and all thoughts of Bellamy Blake out of her head for the night and enjoy this date to the fullest extent.

 

They drove to the restaurant making small talk. He talked about how the restaurant he was bringing her to was one of his favorites and how he couldn’t wait for her to try their food and she talked about her job at the school and how much she loved her students.

 

When they finally got to the restaurant he rushed out of the car to open her door for her, Clarke couldn’t help the smile that spread across her face at his chivalry. Once she got out of the car she took a moment to look at the structure looming before her. The outside of the building  is made up of black and white stone while a large sign reads “Polis” illuminated by small lamps attached above it. She’d heard about this place before, but opted to never come because it was a place her parents’ friends frequented and she didn’t like being around the type of people who only spoke to you because they felt obligated to do so. Clarke loves her parents, but sometimes just doesn’t understand their choice in “friends”.

 

They enter the building and Clarke finally understands why this place is held at such a high standard. The inside is beautiful, there’s a giant chandelier hanging in the middle of a dimly lit dining room. Soft music fills the air, emanating from a band on a circular stage that sits in the center of the room directly underneath the chandelier. The room is surrounded by rose pink walls, the very back wall being completely covered in marble and black tablecloths cover every table.  

 

She comes to the realization that this place must be ridiculously expensive, another reason she had never come here with her family. She refused to have them pay for her and she definitely couldn’t afford it herself. She wanted to be independent and that included paying for her own things and not living off of her parents’ money.

 

“Atom this place is amazing, but I can’t let you spend this much money on dinner, especially if it’s only our first date.” She says seriously worried he’ll be bankrupt by the time dinner is over.

 

“What did Octavia tell you about me?”

 

“She met you at the gym in her martial arts class, you moved from a small town in Virginia and you come from a big family.”

 

“Yeah… so my big family also has big money. My dad owns his own company he started when we lived in Virginia and once it picked up he had to travel back and forth a lot from New York, so he moved me and my family out here when I was 10. We all help my dad with running it sense he’s getting older. That’s why I come here so much; we have our monthly meetings here. I also really wanted to take you somewhere nice.” He explains with an awkward smile.

 

“Okay.” She says with a smile placing her hand on his arm. He seems to relax at her smile and they make their way over to be led to their table.

 

* * *

 

The rest of the night goes by easily. Atom is very sweet and funny and she reminds herself to thank Octavia and Raven at the end of the night for encouraging her to do this. She’s forgotten what it’s like to just get to know someone new, be nervous about first dates and get butterflies at the prospect of having something more with someone who reciprocates your interest in them.

 

Atom makes her laugh a lot and that’s definitely something that’s high on her list of things a significant other must be able to do for her. She tells him about her family’s wealth and how, as much as she loves her parents for wanting what’s best for her and trying to help, she likes being an independent adult and getting by on her own. They talk about their jobs and education. While Atom helps his dad he’s also in school to be a pediatrician which spikes Clarke’s interest because that’s what she was going to do before deciding to get her art degree instead, so they talk about their love for kids and how excited they are to start their careers.

 

After dinner they go for a walk along the waterfront. Its mid-October so it isn’t that cold out, but because they’re by the water Clarke gets a little cold and when Atom drapes his suit jacket over her shoulders and gives her a shy smile she can’t help but kiss him.

 

The first kiss is slow and chaste like any normal first kiss between people, but when she pulls back and looks at him to gauge his reaction she doesn’t get much of a chance because then he’s kissing her back and it isn’t chaste but it isn’t hungry either. It’s just perfect and Clarke gets those little butterflies you get when you’re in middle school and your crush smiles at you. She feels light for the first time in a long time and it’s a welcome change. They pull back eventually because no one likes PDA and he walks her home.

 

Once Clarke shuts her door after giving him a kiss goodnight, she leans back against it with her eyes closed and lets a smile take over her face.

 

“So I’m guessing it went well?” Raven asks making Clarke jump. She’s standing in the kitchen nursing what looks like a mug of coffee, probably prepping for a late night study session. It’s only 10:00pm, so she’s not sure why she expected to be alone.

 

“Really well actually. He’s in school to become a pediatrician, he’s super funny and really cute, a really good kisser and we have another date next Wednesday.” She says with a smile.

 

“Look at you Griffin already back on the horse and you got some action. Good for you.” She says in a teasing tone, but her smile is too genuine for Clarke to believe she’s not at least partially serious.

 

“Yeah well it wasn’t too hard when O set me up with such a great guy.”

 

“Well that’s our little match maker for you.” She says with a fond smile.

 

“Speaking of, where is O? I thought she’d be excited to grill me on the details of my date.”

 

“She was, but Lincoln had a really bad day at work I guess and needed some cheering up from our brave warrior.”

 

“Okay, well I’m exhausted and my feet are killing me. I’ll tell you both about it tomorrow.” She said already beginning to retreat into her room.

 

The last thought she has before she falls asleep is that she knows she can do this. She can get over Bellamy Blake.

 

* * *

 

 

The next morning O is home and demands details so she sits them down and tells them all about her date before she leaves for her classes. It’s Wednesday, so she only has two classes this morning and the rest of her day is free. They’re both exceptionally happy for her and Clarke can’t believe she’s been so lucky to have such amazing friends.

 

On Friday she makes her way over to Bellamy’s apartment like she does every week, settling in between the two siblings to watch a movie. She focuses on the movie, but every once in a while gets a text from Atom that makes her smile. After the third time Bellamy turns to her and gives her a strange look. She just shrugs and apologizes, sending Atom a text that she’s got to go before shutting off her phone until the movies finished.  

 

 Her second date with Atom is even better than the first and she really thinks that things are finally going her way.


	4. Dates and introductions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke tells her friends about Atom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I know this one took a bit longer, but it's a big chapter so hope you enjoy! 
> 
> In case you’re wondering:  
> Clarke, Octavia, Raven, Jasper and Monty are all 21.   
> Bellamy, Miller and Wick are all 24.

After closing her front door she leaned her head against it and groaned. She had just gotten home from her fourth date with Atom and it was getting increasingly harder to restrain herself from jumping him.

 

Their first date had been three weeks ago and things had been going increasingly well since. Their second date had been similar to the first, but with the awkwardness out of the way they were able to talk and learn more about each other. They shared similar interests and both had a similar sense of humour. She’d told him about why she wanted to become an art teacher and who had been her inspiration, and he told her more about why he went into the field of medicine revealing that he’d always had a soft spot for kids and couldn’t wait to have a family of his own, which in turn made her like him even more.

 

For their third date he’d taken her to see her favorite artist’s gallery. She’d found out he was coming about two months ago and tried to get tickets for weeks, but to no avail. She was so desperate she even asked her parents for some help on this one to see if someone they knew could help, but they didn’t have any luck either. Apparently though Dante Wallace was good friends with Atoms father and he’d gotten them tickets after he’d found out she was dying to go.  It had been unbelievable and it was truly something she’d never forget.

 

Their fourth had been more laid back. They both agreed they wanted to try something fun and casual, so he took her ice skating. It was one of the best dates she’d ever been on; it was relaxed, fun and energetic. She had been worried that their previous dates had been an indicator that though he was genuinely a good person, he was more for living the high life and hanging out with people who had plastic smiles fake interest and big bank accounts, but he’d proven her wrong and she couldn’t have been happier about it.

 

Through all this her desire for him had grown at an increasingly high rate, but she’d decided after their heated kiss on the first date that she’d wait and see if he made it to five dates before she slept with him. The reason for this decision was because she really liked him and didn’t want to rush anything only to have it end in burning flames like her last relationship (looking at you Lexa). So she decided to torture herself for a little while longer and see how it played out. If things kept going like they were, she’ll be a whole lot happier and a lot less stressed out in about a week.

 

She wasn’t a prude of course, after their third date (which she still couldn’t believe she’d gotten to meet her idol. Dante Wallace was the whole reason she started painting in the first place) there had been some heavy making out and groping because seriously you can’t have someone do something so unbelievably thoughtful for you and not thank them properly, but she is a lady and will keep her promise to herself to hold out for their own sake. She hadn’t told him about her rule, but he was still being patient with her. It was comforting to know that Atom was willing to wait because he genuinely liked her and wasn’t just in it for the sex.

 

It was Thursday so tomorrow was the day she was going to ‘tell the Blakes about Atom’ when really  O already knew everything about what’d been going on with her and Atom she just had yet to tell Bellamy. She planned to tell him tomorrow at movie night and the others on Saturday when she brought Atom to the bar.

 

She was nervous because

 

A: she’s still in love with Bellamy and its kind of awkward to introduce the guy you’re dating to the guy you’re in love with.

 

B: she wasn’t sure how their friends would like him.

 

She knew Octavia did sense she had been the one to set them up and she was pretty sure Raven did too if her excitement for Clarke (and her sex life) was any indication, but wasn’t sure how everyone else would feel about him. The group usually tended to be pretty neutral about her past significant others except for Bellamy who always went into Big Brother Mode and claimed they weren’t good enough for her (this made her cringe because she was once again reminded why nothing had or ever would happen between them because he only saw her like a little sister, and nobody wants to date their little sister).

 

Raven and O were both out on a double tonight so she had the apartment to herself for the rest of the evening. They’d invited her and Atom to come, but she wanted to wait until he met everyone properly first.

 

Deciding to relax she went to her room and changed into some pajamas, got under the covers and put on some rom-com she knew she’d eventually fall asleep to.

 

* * *

 

 

Clarke woke to the sun in her eyes and her alarm clock. Looking at her bedside table she saw it was 8:00 am. She got out of her bed ready to start her day. She had three classes today, Foreign Languages at 9:15am, Graphic Design at 11:00 and Western Arts at 1:30.

 

She’s ready with just enough time to get out the door and grab a coffee at her favorite café down the street.

 

* * *

 

 

When her classes are done she heads back to the apartment to get ready for movie night. O is meeting her there because she’s got a coffee date with Lincoln beforehand, so she showers quickly, puts on her comfy casual clothes and heads out.

 

All day she’d been nervous about telling Bellamy. He was happy and living his life completely unaware of Clarke’s inner turmoil about her love for him and how she was trying to move on. He had Echo and she was tired of pining, she wanted to be happy too, but Bellamy at the end of the day is still one of her best friends and his opinion matters just like O’s or anyone else in their groups did.

 

She got to the building after a fifteen minute car ride in dead silence because she had so many god dammed thoughts going on in her head the radio annoyed her more than it brought her entertainment at this point.

 

“Hey Bell, I’m here.” She said into the intercom waiting for him to buzz her up.

 

A moment later she was buzzed up and she didn’t think it was humanly possible to be this nervous.

 

He opened the door for her giving a quick but tight hug and letting her inside.

 

“Is O not here yet?” She asked hoping she was here because she needed O for the moral support.

 

“Not yet, but she just sent me a text saying she was on her way.”

 

“Okay sounds good.” She said picking at her sleeve covered hands, one of her nervous habits.

 

“Is everything okay?”

 

“Oh, uh yeah sorry I just had a long day and Professor Kane gave us a huge assignment in Graphic Design today that’s dew in a week and I still haven’t decided what I’m going to do yet.” She said hoping he wouldn’t see through her like he always did.

 

He examined her for a moment, but must have seen nothing or chose to ignore it because he simply placed a comforting hand on her shoulder and asked her if she wanted him to make her some coffee. She accepted knowing she’d need all the energy she could get.    

 

O arrived 10 minutes later and Clarke had already picked the movie. Sense it was her week and she was feeling really lovey dovey she picked “When In Rome” because she has a soft spot for Josh Duhamel and she was hoping it would put Bellamy in a more romantic mood for her announcement.

 

Throughout the movie she can feel Octavia giving her a look that says “Quit being a dumbass and just tell him!” in fact she does it so frequently that even though their sitting next to each other she sends her a text.

 

 

**_Clarke 4:08_ **

**_If you don’t stop giving me that look I will jab your eyes out with the pixie sticks on the table!_ **

****

 

**_Octavia 4:08_ **

**_Then grow a set and tell him!_ **

****

 

They get a disgruntled look from Bellamy and put their phones away.

 

When their finished they clean up and Bellamy and Octavia head to the kitchen to start cooking dinner while Clarke says she’ll be right there, heads to the bathroom and prepares herself for the worst. Her and Octavia had decided that she’d tell them both while they were all cooking dinner and she thought it was a good plan until she belatedly realized there are _sharp_ things in the kitchen, but she couldn’t back out now.

 

She slowly makes her way to the kitchen and stands in the doorway and clears her throat. Both siblings look up at her and Octavia gives her a knowing look while Bellamy just looks confused.

 

“Okay, so I have some news and I wanted to wait to tell you guys until after the movie.”

 

Octavia looks convincingly intrigued for someone who’d practiced what she was going to say with her and Bellamy looks more worried than he does intrigued.

 

“I met someone. His names Atom and he’s a pre-med student in school to become a pediatrician.  He’s really handsome, really funny and sweet. We’ve gone on four dates and I really think it could turn into something serious.” She said in one breath.

 

“Clarke that’s great!” Octavia said breaking the silence and giving her a hug. She was glad Octavia was there.

 

Clarke looked at Bellamy over Octavia’s shoulder, but couldn’t read his expression.

 

Octavia let her go and elbowed Bellamy in the stomach. “That’s great Clarke.” He said with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

 

Clarke just stared for a moment. This was the first time she’d told him about meeting someone that he hadn’t gotten upset with her for keeping it from him. He seemed almost…sad and she wasn’t sure why. He was always the overprotective big brother when it came to her and O and relationships, although for some reason he was always a little different with Clarke, but never the less he always demanded to meet them and after he did always disliked them claiming they weren’t good enough. Now he just seemed to be trying to be happy for her which honestly just made Clarke love him more.

 

“Thanks Bell.” She said with a smile.

 

She gave him a hug that he returned it with a hug just as tight as the one he’d given her after they made up last month.

 

The rest of the night was spent joking around and eating a delicious meal they all cooked together. Clarke loved this tradition and hoped they never stopped doing it.

 

Her and O both left at the same time, but in different cars and made their way back to the apartment.

 

Clarke went to bed telling O she was tired, which wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t completely truthful. She just needed some time to process everything that had happened today.

 

She wondered why this time was so different from before. Why hadn’t he gotten angry? Why had he looked so defiant to say anything impulsive? She wasn’t used to this Bellamy and it kind of frightened her.

 

 

* * *

 

 

She tells Atom the next day that things went well and he’s really happy about it. He meets her at the apartment so they can go to the bar together and she’s jittery all over again. He just holds her hand tight and she figures she’s introduced them to people a lot worse than Atom ever could be, so she takes a deep breath and thinks positive thoughts.

 

When they get there everyone’s already in their regular booth (which by the way is huge! It fits twelve people). Raven and Wick are sitting next to each other debating about something going on at work (Clarke can never keep up with all that because there’s way too much to remember), Jasper is animatedly telling a story capturing the attention of Monty and Miller who listen quietly and attentively, and Bellamy and Octavia are talking to each other about something funny because it has both Lincoln and Echo laughing. She approaches the table, albeit a bit shyly and everyone turns to her. They seem to notice her and Atoms linked hands and there’s a brief moment of silence before Bellamy stands up and introduces himself.

 

“Hi I’m Bellamy. You must be Atom.”  He says holding his hand out for Atom to shake it. Clarke can tell Bellamy’s grip is firmer than it needs to be, but isn’t surprised because it’s _Bellamy_.

 

The rest of the group makes their introductions and Clarke slides in beside Echo with Atom close behind her. Her and Echo had become closer recently, you could even call them friends.

 

“So Mom you’ve got a new boyfriend?” Jasper asks and the rest of the table turns to glare at him.

 

Atom looks confused so Clarke explains that “They call me and Bellamy Mom and Dad because we’re like the mother hens of the group, always taking care of everybody else.”

 

He nods in understanding and they all start to talk to Atom. She’s glad they’re trying to get to know him.

 

* * *

 

 

The night goes well. They all ask him lots of questions about school and his work. They seem to like Atom and everyone’s having a good time.

 

Around 1:00pm Clarke gets up offering to get people some drinks. She’s guessing this will be their last round considering they’re all pretty buzzed at this point.

 

When she gets back Jasper is pointing to Atom and Echo while he slurs something like “You guys are the reason we’ll never get Bellarke babies.”

 

The whole table laughs at the joke. They all finish their drinks and part ways. Clarke gets texts from everyone before she goes to sleep.

 

 

**_Octavia 2:10am_ **

**_I think that went really well! I’ll see you in the morning when I’m too hungover to function._ ** **_J_ **

 

****

**_Raven 2:12am_ **

**_Nice going Griffin, he’s a keeper._ **

 

****

**_Raven 2:13am_ **

**_Wick says he likes him too._ **

 

****

**_Monty 2:21am_ **

**_Miller and I think he’s really nice. Happy for you Clarkey!_ **

 

****

**_Jasper 2:26am_ **

**_I like him, but I’m still holding out for those Bellarke babies._ **

 

****

Clarke put her phone on her dresser smiling at their support. She was really lucky to have such great friends.

 

 

Just before she doses off she hears her phone buzz one last time.

 

 

 

**_Bellamy 2:35am_ **

**_Really happy for you Clarke…he seems like a great guy._ **

 

 

****

****

****

****

****

****

 

 

 


	5. Sexy times and anger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke finally goes on that fifth date and Bellamy overhears something he's not supposed to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry this took so long! School's been kicking my ass lately, but Christmas break is right around the corner and I've got some Christmasy stuff in the works so stay tuned! Thank you all for reading!

The next Thursday is her fifth date with Atom and to say she’s nervous would be an understatement. She’s a complete mess of emotions at this point. She’s excited because it’s been a while and as much as she loves her vibrator it really isn’t the same as having a connection with someone on both a physical and mental level, she’s relieved because he made it this long and she really thinks that this is going somewhere and it makes her all giddy inside, and she’s scared because what if it goes wrong? What if this date gets messed up or the sex is really bad and he doesn’t want to see her again (she doesn’t think he’d do that, but people tend to surprise you. Exhibit A: Finn Collins).

 

 

She’s wrong of course and the date goes really well. He takes her go-karting, which I mean come on, is so awesome and so much fun. As much fun as it is getting dressed up she likes that Atom gets that she’s more of a laid back date kind of girl and that he enjoys going to a burger joint as much as he enjoys going to an art gallery.

 

 

They go back to his place to watch movies afterwards, but only make it about a quarter of the way in because it’s been a while,  Clarke has been waiting for weeks and she’s never dated someone she likes this much.

 

 

The sex is amazing and when she wakes up the next morning in a well-lit room with the smell of pancakes in the air she feels like she could float home after this.

 

 

She does eventually make it home after round 3 (?). The whole car ride home she feels giddy and fluffy, not even worried about her obvious ‘morning after’ appearance.

 

 

She closes the door to her apartment, closes her eyes, leans back against the door and lets a slow smile spread across her face.

 

 

She jumps at the sound of someone clearing their throat.

 

 

“You look like you had fun.” Raven said with a shit-eating grin on her face.

 

 

“As much as I’d like to smack that look off your face, I’m in too good of a mood to let you bother me.”

 

 

“So basically you finally got laid.”

 

 

“Basically.”

 

 

“Basically what?” O says coming from the direction of the living room.

 

 

“Our little Clarkey has finally spread her legs and left the ‘no sex for months’ nest.”

 

 

“First of all Raven, gross.”

 

 

“What it’s metaphorical and funny.”

 

 

Octavia just gives her a look of disapproval. “Second of all, did you actually finally sleep with him?”

 

 

“Do you not see the obvious sex hair O?” Raven asks

 

 

Clarke rolls her eyes at her friend, “Why are you saying finally? I’ve only been seeing him for like a month.”

 

 

“Clarke he literally took you to meet your idol and has been nothing but a gentleman to you since you’ve met him. If you didn’t sleep with him soon I was going to seriously question your sanity.”

 

 

“I’ve gotta agree with Rae on this one Clarke. I’m glad you had a good time though.”

 

 

“Yeah, yeah. Pleasantries aside are we going to get to hear about how it was any time soon?”

 

 

“No time like the present.” Clarke says with a shrug.

 

* * *

  

She’s just finishing telling them about how good he is with his hands (in probably unnecessary detail) when she hears their front door slam shut.

 

 

“What the hell was that?”

 

 

“Umm Bell was in the bathroom fixing the plumbing because the sink broke and that’s the one thing Rae doesn’t know how to fix. We’re also having movie night here this week because Bell didn’t clean his house, he didn’t have enough time to clean because of work yesterday.”

 

 

“Shit, do you think he heard me?”

 

 

Her two friends share a look and she knows her answer.

 

 

“I’m going to go see if I can catch up to him.” She says and makes her way out the door.

 

 

When she finds him he’s just about to open his car door when she shouts “Hey Bell, wait up!”

 

 

She’s just close enough to see his jaw work just before he turns to face her.

 

 

“Hey sorry, O just told me you were helping us fix our sink. I would have come and said hi, but I didn’t know.”

 

 

She thinks she hears him mutter “Clearly.” under his breath, but isn’t sure because she’s just reached him.

 

 

“I thought you we were having movie night here. Why are you leaving?”

 

 

He looks her up and down taking in her probably disheveled clothes and hair. “Because I’m sweaty and gross. I’ll be back later.” He says in a clipped tone before getting in his car and driving away.

 

 

What the hell was that? she thinks to herself.

 

 

When she gets back up to the apartment she quickly tells the girls he’ll be back later and goes to take a shower.

 

* * *

 

When she’s out and dressed O’s already got the movie waiting to play, there are snacks all laid out on their coffee table, but Bellamy still hasn’t come back, which is strange because he’s usually asking her and O to be early so they can help set up. She thought he’d do the same for them.

 

 

When he does get there he’s just made it on time and looks like he’s in a perpetually bad mood, which is odd because he’s almost always in a good mood for movie night, unless someone mentions the Library of Alexandria or pesters him about anything that’s historically inaccurate.

 

 

“Hey Bell!” Octavia greeted her brother with a smile. He returns it with a genuine one that he solely reserves for her.

 

 

“O’s making us watch Mean Girls again.” She says coming to stand next to him. The smile he gives her in return us one he frequently uses, but only when he’s trying to be polite. She shrugs it off, figuring maybe he’d had a bad day. Though she still wonders why he’d seemed so upset about what he’d over heard her saying about Atom. Maybe he was just feeling protective or weirded out?

 

 

They settle in to watch the movie, but instead of her sitting between the siblings Bellamy sits on the arm chair beside Octavia leaving just her and O on the couch. It feels out of tune and she hates it.

 

 

The rest of the night passes on with awkward silences and worried glances from Octavia.

 

 

Clarke manages to get through it though, figuring she should give him some space. He’ll probably be fine by tomorrow. She thinks to herself.

 

* * *

  

He’s not fine the next day. In fact he ignores all her texts and calls, so she decides she’s going to talk to him tonight when they all meet up.

 

* * *

 

She gets to the bar around 7:00, a little later than usual because she had to hand in her project for one of her classes. Everyone’s there and they all greet her with cheerful “Hello’s” except for Bellamy who grunts his welcome. Fed up with his attitude she grabs him by the arm and yanks him out of the booth calling a “Be right back” over her shoulder. The last thing she hears before they’re out the back door is Jasper saying “Uh oh. Mom and Dad are at it again.” 

 

 

“Clarke what the fuck?!” he says once the doors closed and they’re standing in the alley on a decently cold November night.

 

 

“I should be asking you that question.” She says crossing her arms over her chest.

 

 

“And why the hell is that?”

 

 

“Because for some reason you’ve been a fucking prick to me the past two days for no reason! You even ruined movie night!”

 

 

Bellamy has the decency to look a little sheepish.

 

 

“Look, I know you heard what I was telling the girls about Atom and I’m sorry you over heard it. I’m sure it must be weird tohear someone you see as a little sister talk about stuff like that.” At this he swallows thickly, something in his eyes she can’t quite decipher. “But fucking tell me you’re weirded out and try and move on because ignoring me isn’t going to solve anything.”

 

 

He nods and lets out a small chuckle. “God we’re such fucking children sometimes.”

 

 

She smiles “That’s because being old is stupid and we’re too awesome to ever be adults.”

 

 

They laugh it off and head back inside.

 

 

After receiving worried glances from the majority of their table she assures them that “Everything’s fine guys.” And they seem content with her answer.

 

 

“So Clarke how’s Atom doing?” Wicks asks.

 

 

Raven and Octavia share a knowing look while she feels Bellamy tense beside her.

 

 

“He’s good.” Feeling Bellamy’s obvious discomfort she decides to change the subject. “How’s Echo Bell? I haven’t seen her in a while.”

 

 

He looks surprised by her question. “Oh, um she’s good. She’s been really busy at the home lately so she hasn’t had much free time.”

 

 

“Well we hope to see her again soon.” Clarke says trying to smile as convincingly at him as possible while placing a gentle hand on his knee.

 

 

His returning smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes either.

 

* * *

 

Later that night when she’s drifting off to sleep she gets this feeling in the pit of her stomach that somethings still off between the two of them, but she can’t quite figure it out.

 

 

He’d been acting fairly strange lately and she wanted to know why. Why had he been so unlike himself when he’d met Atom? Why had he been so angry about what he’d overheard? Wasn’t a more normal reaction to be awkward or uncomfortable rather than angry?

 

 

Lately she just couldn’t seem to read the man she’d know almost her entire life and it was frustrating her. They’d always had this easy connection, one where words weren’t always needed and now their seemed to be this wall between them. One she wasn’t sure how to break down.

 

 

Her last thought before she drifted off was that even if she couldn’t have him the way she wanted she was determined to keep the man she loved in her life.


	6. A Griffin-Blake Christmas and shocking news

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They head home for their annual Griffin-Blake Christmas and Clarke gets shocked with some news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys...long time no see. I apologize, but I did make you guys a super fluffy chapter because I've been torturing you with angst. We will be back to the drama soon though so don't get to comfortable ;) I might post another chapter tomorrow, but that all depends on how the day goes :)

The next month flies by in a blur and before she knows it she’s packing her suitcase to go to her parents’ house for Christmas break.

 

“O, come on we’ve got to go! Bell’s gonna be here soon.”

 

The Griffin’s and the Blake’s had been doing Christmas together since the second year they’d been moved into the neighbourhood. The kids spending almost all their time together resulted in Abby and Aurora becoming good friends. The Griffin-Blake Christmases never failed to put a smile on Clarke’s face.

 

“Coming!” Octavia says exiting her room with more than enough bags for their two week visit.

 

“Jeez O. How many clothes do you need?”

 

“Sorry we don’t all pack pre-prepared outfits like you Clarkey. We’re not all freaks.”

 

“Are we making fun of Clarke again?” Bellamy asks closing the front door behind him. “Because if we are, I’m totally in.”

 

“I don’t know why I keep either of you around. I should have turned away when I was 6 and never looked back.”

 

“But you didn’t because we’re awesome and you knew it.” Octavia responds grinning.

 

“Plus I mean you get to look at all this all the time.” Bellamy says gesturing to himself and making an awkward body roll movement. It’s times like these she wonders why she’s in love with him. _Because you love every part of him. Especially the dorky side._   Her brain reminds her.

 

Clarke just scoffs and rolls her eyes. “Okay twiddle-di and twiddle-dumb let’s get a move on.” She says over her shoulder. Already having grabbed her bags and heading out the door.

 

* * *

 

The drive up is fun and easy. Octavia’s in the back seat while she and Bellamy are up front. They all belt every Christmas carol that plays on the radio at the top of their lungs and when they can’t sing anymore because they’re laughing so hard they reminisce about past Christmas memories, feeling the excitement of heading home for Christmas.

 

She’s glad the ride is so nice. She and Bellamy had still been a little shaky for a while, but after Thanksgiving things smoothed over once again. She still couldn’t figure out why he’s been acting so unlike himself though and it bothers her. She’s known him for so long and has always been able to read him like a book and lately it’s as if there’s something different about him that she can’t decipher.

 

They get to her parents’ house about 6 hours after leaving town and Clarke is practically vibrating in her seat from excitement. She’s always loved Christmas. The warm fuzzy feeling she always gets in the pit of her stomach, seeing her parents and all her loved ones, decorating the tree together and just the general jolliness of Christmas. She feels that she’s been even luckier than most because on top of doing all these things with her family she also gets to do it with the Blake’s.

 

She feels Bellamy’s gaze on her and turns to see that he has a soft smile plastered on his lips.

 

“What?” She asks laughing. She doesn’t see Octavia’s knowing look from the back seat.

 

“You look like a four year old on Christmas morning, Princess.” He says fondly while shaking his head.

 

Before she can dignify him with a witty retort he’s out of the driver’s seat and opening the trunk to get their bags.

 

Her dad comes out to greet them first and he doesn’t even get out a “Hello” before Clarke’s tackled him in a bone crushing hug. He returns it all the same while spinning her around a little.

 

She loves both her parents, but she’s always been a daddy’s girl.

 

Her mother and Aurora aren’t far behind and Clarke gives them tight hugs and tells them all how much she’s missed them.

 

After everyone says hello they head inside with their luggage. The Blake’s always spend the first few days before Christmas at their house because it’s much easier when everyone’s all in one place and Clarke’s house has more than enough room for them.

 

Clarke’s unpacking the last of her clothes and dancing around her room when she hears a knock at her bedroom door. She turns to find Bellamy leaning against the doorway, a ridiculous smile plastered on his face and his arms crossed.

 

“Smile anymore and your face will crack in half Blake.” She says all mock amusement.

 

“What a shame that would be huh?” He says walking into her room. “Mom wanted me to tell you to come downstairs because we’re about to decorate the tree. You seem busy practicing for your come back performance in The Nutcracker though so I’ll leave you be.” He says with a wink.

 

She’d played in the production of The Nutcracker at their high school when she was a freshman and he still has yet to let her live it down. She pinches his side in retaliation and starts running down the stairs yelling “Let’s go old man!” over her shoulder.

 

* * *

  

Once they’re done the tree it looks like Christmas has thrown up all over it and she wouldn’t have it any other way. There’s gold garland wrapping around the tree along with twinkly colored lights and enough tinsel to sink a battle ship. All of their ornaments are hung up including all the ones she, O and Bellamy used to make when they were kids and the star sits high on top of the eight foot tree. Clarke tried to use the little latter they have, but wasn’t tall enough to reach it, so Bellamy had put her on his shoulders, much to everyone’s protests.

 

Surprisingly she doesn’t fall, but she does end up chasing Bellamy around the house trying to put tinsel in his hair for not giving a fair warning before hoisting her up on his shoulders.

 

Once they’re both out of breath from running and laughing Jake starts a fire in the fire place and they all sit around the living room drinking eggnog and catching up with each other. Everyone’s in such a great mood and it’s just nice to be with all the people she loves. She hasn’t felt this relaxed in weeks and even when the subject of her dating life gets brought up she manages to answer without making anyone feel awkward, so all in all the night has goes perfectly.

 

A permanent smile is plastered on her face and doesn’t leave until she’s fast asleep in her bed.

 

* * *

  

The next day they pick their secret Santa’s and Clarke gets Aurora. She’s really excited because she’s only ever gotten Aurora once and she was too young to actually get the woman she considers to be a second mother a proper present. So when they all head out to the mall to buy their presents she’s unbelievably excited to buy hers.

 

“Okay so we’ve got three hours to shop and then we’ll meet up at the food court for lunch. Sound good?” Jake asks.

 

Everyone nods in agreement and they all split up.

 

Clarke had known Aurora almost her entire life and she’d never had a day to relax. She was always taking care of Bell and O, making sure they always had everything they needed and leaving herself to be taken care of last. This resulted in her making her own clothes half the time (granted they were really well made and you’d never be able to notice if you hadn’t been told otherwise). Bellamy always helped, but being a single mother was tough and Clarke knew she deserved the absolute best.

 

Abby and Jake had offered many times to help her, but she always refused politely. _Bell and O definitely got their stubbornness from their mother_ she thinks fondly.

 

Clarke had managed to save up quite a bit of money over the past six months and she’d already done the rest of her Christmas shopping. She had about 300$ left from her saved money for Christmas (it had taken her almost an entire year with all her other expenses to save up the 1200 dollars she had, but she’d managed to do it) and she planned on spending every last bit of it on Aurora.

 

She knew her mother wouldn’t take it personally if she found out who Aurora’s secret Santa was because Abby always made sure to buy herself the finest of clothing and knew that though Aurora would never take it as a handout she may accept it as a gift.

 

So Clarke spends the next two and a half hours in different clothing stores buying Aurora new clothes. By the time she’s finished she’s gotten her several new outfits and a few new pair of shoes. With way too many bags to handle at this point so she goes out to the car and puts all of Aurora’s gifts in the trunk of Bellamy’s car so no one else sees them.

 

She meets everyone at the food court and they all have lunch together.

 

* * *

 

 

When they get home, Clarke, Bellamy and Octavia in his car and Abby Jake and Aurora in her parent’s car, she practically bolts upstairs up with her gifts so she can wrap them.

 

She emerges forty five minutes later with six different boxes pilled in her arms and starts heading down the stairs. One of the boxes starts falling and she catches it in time, but loses her footing and falls from the third top step all the way down the stairs. She must black out for a few seconds because when she opens her eyes Bellamy’s hovering above her, a worried expression plastered on his face, everyone else surrounding them and Aurora’s presents scattered across the room. _Good thing I didn’t buy her anything fragile_ she thinks to herself.   

 

“Clarke? Clarke are you okay?” Bellamy asks frantically, searching her face and snapping her out of her haze.

 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” She says nodding. She tries to sit up, but a sudden rush of nausea hits her and she starts to fall back again. This time though Bellamy catches her and gently lays her head on the floor.

 

Abby’s in front of her a few seconds later with a small flashlight in hand (she’d always laughed at her mom for carrying one around with her) _the irony_ she thinks bitterly.

 

Abby tells her she’s got a minor concussion, but she waves off everyone’s worried glances and picks up the gifts and sets them under the tree.

 

“Clarke you need to rest even if it’s a minor concussion it’s not something you should be taking so lightly.”

 

She starts to protest, but is cut off by the others asking her to just take it easy for at least a night. She relents with a sigh and starts to make her way up to her room, but is stopped by a dainty hand on her arm.

 

“Sweetie for tonight I think its best if you sleep in the spare room down here, just to be sure.” Her mother says gently.

 

She ends up sleeping in the downstairs bedroom until Christmas Eve when everyone finally realizes that she’s fine to _walk up a staircase_.

 

* * *

 

She wakes up bright and early on Christmas morning because she’ll always be a kid at heart. She makes sure everyone’s up by 6:45 and by 7:00 they’re all down stairs in the living room.

 

They all open their secret Santa gifts first and Clarke gets the art kit she’s had her eye on for over a year, but decided that it was too expensive when she realized that she wouldn’t be able to pay her rent if she bought it. She guesses her dad and gets it right. Aurora is the last one to open her gift, insisting that she can wait and it’s hard for Clarke to contain her smile when she sees the look on Aurora’s face when she has six secret Santa gifts.

 

By now everyone’s guessed their secret Santa, so everyone knows it’s Clarke and she blushes when everyone’s gaze turns to her.

 

“Go ahead Aurora.” She says with a smile choosing to ignore everyone’s questioning gazes.

 

She’s in tears by the time she opens her last present and practically flies across the room to bring Clarke into a bone crushing hug, sobbing her thanks into her shoulder.

 

After things calm down a bit, they all open the rest of their presents and everything’s normal until Aurora asks to speak with Clarke briefly in the kitchen.

 

She closes the door behind them a turns to speak to Clarke.

 

“I wanted to thank you properly for my gifts Clarke, you have no idea how much it means.”

 

“It’s no problem at all! You’re like my second mother and you always put everyone else before yourself, I figured it was time someone did that for you.” She says with a smile going over to wrap her in another hug, although this one is brief because Aurora pulls back with a serious look on her face.

 

“That’s not the only reason I wanted to talk to you though.”

 

“Oh. Okay.”

 

“I wanted to talk to you about Bellamy.” Clarke’s stomach sinks. _This is it_ she thinks. _This is where she tells me he’s going to propose to Echo and that he’s going to need my help._

 

Aurora huffs. “He’s in love with you Clarke.” Clarke’s head snaps up to look at the woman in front of her properly. She hadn’t even realized she’d looked away.

 

“What?” She barely manages to choke out.

 

“He’s in love with you sweetie, has been for a long time. I normally wouldn’t get involved. But I can’t take seeing my son look at you like you’re everything he wants, but will never have. I understand you’re dating Atom, but you need to hear this.”

 

Clarke swallows thickly. “Aurora I really don’t think that’s the case. He’s got a girlfriend and he’s never shown any interest.”

 

“He’s been scared to honey. I know about Echo as well he told me a few weeks ago. You two have been dancing around each other for too long now and I love you both so much I just want you to be happy. Whether you’re both dating someone or single I know that you both love each other in more ways than you’ve admitted to.”

 

“I-I don’t know what to say.” Clarke says standing stock still. She can’t believe this is happening.

 

“Just think about it. I’ve been rooting for you to be my actual daughter for years now. You’re not the only one who thinks we’re family Clarke, I’d just like you to actually share our last name.” She says giving Clarke another quick hug before she retreats back into the living room.

 

Clarke stands there stunned for another few minutes before she manages to shake herself out of it enough to go into the living room.

 

She’s sat on the couch completely lost in thought when she feels someone put there hand on her kneecap and she jumps. She turns to see that O’s sat on the couch beside her.

 

“Are you okay Clarkey? You’re not looking too good.”

 

“Y-ya I’m fine.” She says giving Octavia an unconvincing smile.

 

Sensing her best friend might need some space she gives her leg a squeeze and says “Well I’m here you need to talk about anything.”

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is awkward...I haven't updated in like a year. I promise I have explanations though.

Hey guys! 

So first off I would sincerely like to apologize to everyone who read and enjoyed this fic and got let down because I never updated. I left the fic at a very cliffhanger-y part and I know that's super shitty of me! Again I'm really sorry.

So before I go any further with why this isn't an actual chapter update, I'm going to let you guys know what's been going on. 

When I started writing this fic last year I was super excited to be writing and I had a lot of time on my hands to do so. But after Christmas came and went life got in the way. School got a lot harder and with that came a lot more homework and a lot of stress. I'd never been so stressed before and it really freaked me out. After that happened and school finally finished for the summer I just didn't have any motivation. I was so worn out from being in a perpetual state of stress that I just didn't have the drive to do anything. With that also came a serious case of writers block. Since then I've gotten a job and I've been really busy between work and school trying to save up for my future. I know these are all excuses and I know none of them are going to get this fic done, but I figured I at least owed you guys an explanation.

The reason I've finally decided to update this with an explanation was because I was suddenly struck with the urge to write today. I have a couple of days off from work and its the weekend so I figured why not finally try and finish this fic for you guys. So I brought the fic up on my phone so I could re-read it and remember where it was at, but once I actually started reading I cringed. 

I started this over a year ago and since that time I'd like to believe my writing has improved (it's what I hope to do for a living after all) and I honestly cannot finish writing this story when I'm so unhappy with it. The story itself I love, but the quality of writing is just so atrocious to me, I can't find it in myself to finish off this story.

So this is my official notice saying this story has been abandoned. 

However I am planning on writing some new fics so if you guys are interested keep a lookout for those.

Also, I know how the story was going to end, so if you really want to know, I'd be glad to tell you! :) Just send me a message or leave me a comment letting me know.

Thank you all so much for reading and for your lovely comments and kudos! You really have no idea how much it means to me! <3

Love, 

Alyssa

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again thank you guys so much!! <3


End file.
